Goosebumps
by QueenPotatos
Summary: Holiday Hashimada swap gift for warbornshinobi. He didn't know why, but after 20 years of hiding their love affair, it seemed Madara got tired of this. HashiMada


_Short Drabble for the HashiMada swap holiday._

_Here is my present for warbornshinobi_

_Enjoy :)_

**_Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto._**

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**Goosebumps**

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**o0o0o**

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It was dawn; well, barely. The sky outside the walls was still a mix of pink, blue and orange shades. The birds' singing had finally managed to wake up his lover, grumpy as ever on early mornings; his long, so long and majestic black hair falling over his shoulders. Ebony, raven, coal black just like his eyes. Hashirama had read somewhere in a book about he didn't even remember what that the black color – and afterthoughts it wasn't even a proper color – was absorbing all the lights. As if it was so attractive, so bewitching, and so irresistible that the sun itself rush into the darkness, never to reappear again.

Hashirama had found himself lost so many times in those eyes he couldn't count anymore, but he easily remembered how many times he had regreted his decisions – to look at him, from the first time on that riverbank to yesterday night before Madara closed his eyes ; to make him fall from him, to love him, to force him to stay and to adore him.

Zero.

Madara sat up on the other side of the futon they shared occasionally. He didn't say anything, didn't even take the time to glance over his shoulder to see if Hashirama was awake himself, but the Senju didn't care. It wasn't like it was new. They have been doing _this_ for so long. Nearly twenty years. Twenty years of secrets and hidden meetings, of refrained urges and blatant lies. And finally, inevitably, it seemed one of them had reached his limit yesterday.

_"I wonder why we are still doing this."_

Hashirama hadn't slept that night. He just couldn't. He had been wondering – exactly why were they still doing…_this,_ really? – because he had been caught by surprise. Madara was usually so silent, always watching him – even when he thought Hashirama wasn't aware of his gaze set upon him and then he kept pretending he hadn't notice for the game to continue a little bit more – but yesterday things were different. He should have noticed something was off from the very beginning, but it had been such a long time since they haven't share a bed that he was so excited, so impatient, so needy – okay he had to admit he didn't even let Madara the time to make a proper remark or to start a real talk, and had crushed him into the wall the moment they had set a foot on their bedroom. Madara had always reproached him his selfishness, and back in their early relationship he hadn't understand why. But, as time went by, he had gained maturity and had finally been able to have some self-criticism.

Hashirama thought he was a generous man, always wanting what was best for everyone, and really had worked himself to death – he almost literally died for the sake of their hypothetical future village, if Madara hadn't stopped him that day…- but what Madara taught him was slightly different from his truth.

Yes, it was true, he had thought what he was doing was always right, but what was right for him wasn't always right for others. For Madara, in many cases, it hadn't been. Even if in the end, he had stayed, Hashirama had never wondered if it was really what the Uchiha wanted in first place. These thoughts had hunted him many nights, but eventually one day, the doubt vanished. They loved each other. That's why there were continuing to do _this_. Because of L-O-V-E.

Well, that's what Hashirama was thinking. Until last night.

He couldn't quite believe it yet. Was he really…breaking up with him? For god sake they were in their late forties he couldn't use that vocabulary anymore…could he? Because at this very moment Hashirama was feeling like a sixteen years old girl being rejected by the man of her life. And god it hurt. It hurt so much.

He really couldn't believe it. After all this time. That must be a joke. Or maybe he mistook the meaning behind his words.

His daydreaming was interrupted by Madara's hair, again. The man of his life was mindlessly combing them with his bare hands – Madara was only taking off his gloves when they were alone together, as a proof of their closeness – and rearranging them on his torso, letting his back completely bare.

Lazily, Hashirama raised a finger and traced the silhouette of the bones of his spine, gently, just like a lover should do. Old habits are hard to kill.

Goosebumps too.

"That's why we keep seeing each other." He said, murmuring his thoughts without realizing it.

Madara turned his head, slowly, his eyes bags deeper than ever – Hashirama wasn't the only one who had a short night after all – and finally met his lover's sleepy eyes.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Goosebumps. That's why."

"Go back to sleep Hashirama. You're talking nonsense again. Or are you having a stroke?"

Hashirama laughed quietly – he liked Madara black humor more than he could admit – and replied, just as quietly. "You may repress your moans; act as if you were feeling nothing for me at all, ignoring me as I beg you to stay. But in the end…" He sat up just next to him, leaning on Madara's side and kissing the crock of his neck that wasn't hidden by his gorgeous hair. "In the end, it can be your increasing heartbeats, your dilated pupils you think I can't discern from your iris or the excitement on your skin; your body always ends up betraying you. You love me."

Maybe he was being selfish again. No, he knew he was; wanting, asking, begging, commanding him to stay by his side. Hashirama put his arms around Madara's waist, and at that very moment these strong and infallible arms were shaking like weak leaves under a breeze. He was the Shodaime, the most powerful shinobi of the whole world and yet, he was scared to death. He couldn't lose him now. There w as just no way to let him go.

(He often thought that if he was the pillar of the village, Madara was its foundations. He would crumble if it wasn't for him.)

"Your finger was just cold." And it was the truth. Because for once they hadn't slept in each other arms and Hashirama woke up with his hands and his heart as cold as the blade of a kunai. He has always mistaken what Madara was implying.

The morning air was cold, his hands were cold, his heart, his breath, even the man in his arm; everything had turned to ice in a blink of an eye. Everything was changing so fast…

"You didn't sleep well." He heard him say.

"You didn't either."

There was silence again. Madara was looking blankly at the window, at the first ray of light hitting the glass. He looked like he wanted to say something, but didn't know how.

"About what I said last night…I probably shouldn't have. I'm sorry"

"What is the point of hiding it from me? Keeping me in my own little world, my illusory world where you have always wanted to stay by my side, to make this village with me, and be happy about it?" He asked, his tone bitter.

"Listen Hashirama. You know I'm not good when it comes to words alone…I…I have been thinking about it for a long time and now I think we probably should talk about it."

But he didn't. Talking about it was the last thing Hashirama wanted. He wanted to hide under the covers and to disappear for good, before waking up and realizing he was only dreaming. It was just his stupid insecurities talking in his sleep. Not a real break up.

"I know it sounded like I didn't love you anymore but…"

Or maybe he could just tide him up right now with his Mokuton dragon that absorbed chakra and so Madara would never be able to escape again.

"It's just that I wonder why we keep seeing each other this way, behind everyone's back. I'm tired of hiding."

…Oh.

"But…" Hashirama wasn't sure about what to say. Madara was the one who had strongly _insisted_ that they should keep their affair 'private', and their situation at the time– a quick reminder: Hashirama Hokage, married to a pregnant Mito, and Madara controversial head of the Uchiha clan – hadn't allowed anything other than that. "We have no other choice left."

"No. We _had_ no other choice left. But…all is about to change tomorrow, isn't it?"

It was a bright Sunday morning; a typical and annoying Sunday morning, for every living soul in Konoha. But not for them, not for Hashirama. Today was his last day as the first Hokage of the village. Tomorrow, he would pass on the torch and Tobirama would be named Nidaime.

"You're resigning tomorrow. Mito has…already moved on. Your children are now old enough to take care of themselves. What is restraining us now?" He looked at him, hope filling his eyes, and Hashirama lost his voice again. "And don't talk about your brother we can deal with him-"

"I wasn't thinking of Tobirama!" He cut him quickly. God he was feeling so much better. He couldn't even have a rational thought now that he knew he wasn't going to be left alone. Madara felt his lover's muscles relaxing against his bare skin and couldn't hide the smile on his face – but he had made sure Hashirama wasn't looking before he could afford that short moment of vulnerability. "But what are _you_ going to do? If we…if it becomes…common knowledge…your clan may not be very friendly with the idea don't you think?"

"I know. That's why I needed time to organize things. I couldn't talk to you about my plans before it had been settle properly – and anyway you were too busy yourself with Tobirama's nomination I barely had the chance to see you the past few weeks."

"Hah ha. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you I promise."

"You'd better."

Hashirama left butterfly kisses on his bare shoulder, the crock of his neck and finally ended up his course just under Madara's ear. His arms, no longer shaking, encircled his lover waist again, closing the distance between them completely. He sighed contently.

"Hashirama, how long have you been in love with me?"

"I dunno." He answered honestly. "Forever I guess."

"For God sake don't be so cliché…"

"But that's true! I really can't remember a time when I wasn't into you. Why are you asking me those things all of a sudden? It doesn't sound like you at all."

"Yeah that sounds exactly like an idiot Senju I know too well for my own good."

The idiot Senju thought for a moment about tickling the idiot Uchiha but then he remembered they were in their 47 years and slowly withdrew his hand – it wasn't as if Madara hadn't read his mind as soon as the idea had popped into his head anyway.

"It's just that, it had been…something like twenty years-"

" Twenty-two years, five months and fourteen days."

"-And you still have the same adoration in your eyes." Madara chose to ignore him – an old habit of him – but Hashirama didn't care. It wasn't often when Madara would open up like this. "I just…wondered. You have done so much for me without asking anything in return and, I think maybe I should pay pack. I'm retiring."

"What?" Hashirama let go of his back and stared at him blankly in the eyes.

Maybe he was really having a stroke after all.

"I'm retiring from the Uchiha clan's leadership. I have made my time. A new generation is born and I need to relay on them. Just like you're doing."

"But…but…" Being a leader was all his life. It was what was running in his blood; he was _born_ to be a commander, he just couldn't let it go just for…just for…

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for us. I have made up my mind already, so there is no point of arguing on that matter. Tomorrow we will abdicate together and then, we will start over. Something new. What do you think of that?"

"I…just…woa I wasn't expecting this. At all. God Madara I thought you wanted to break up with me the whole night I couldn't even sleep!"

"Hashirama, you're not a sixteen years old girl anymore, don't talk like one."

"I know I know right. But, you have no idea how much I love you. Tonight I felt like…like I couldn't breathe anymore and I was so scared and yeah my sixteen years old girl side took the best of me I'm sorry."

"You're just an idiot."

"Maybe but that idiot wants to be part of your life until the ends if times. So, whatever you want us to do, I will follow you."

Madara frowned, apparently surprised. "You're not asking what I had in mind." That wasn't a question.

"Nope." Hashirama answered, showing no sign of worry on his still handsome face – for a man of his age – and lied down on the sheet.

"You know I could very well want us to slaughter some barbarians at our frontiers for the rest of our life to train my sharingan and experiment new ravaging jutsu."

"Oh yeah, that's true. Madara why didn't you tell me you like war and fighting so much during the peaceful years we spent as mortal enemies…"

"Come on stop making fun of me this is a serious matter Hashirama. I want to travel down the world. I want to leave this village, discover new lands and unknown scenery. I want to see everything the world had to offer with these eyes."

He sat up again. Madara stayed silent after his last remark and they both very well knew why. After all these years…he was still living with his ghost.

"How long have you planned on doing this?" Hashirama asked him, comforting him by stroking the back of his neck.

"I don't know. Probably forever. As soon as he gave them to me…"

He didn't need to add anything. The day after, they said goodbye to their old life, and hello to the rest of the world.

.

There was nothing they couldn't do, no lands they couldn't strike across, no seas they couldn't swim in, no mountains they couldn't climb.

As long as they stayed together.

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_Happy winter break to everyone :)_

_This may be part of a much more longer one shot I'll eventually post someday._

_I know I usually don't write fluffy stories BUT it's christmas you know..._

_Anyway, I hope you liked it_

_See ya soon (I hope);p_

_Queenie_


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